I hate the culture of business although I know it's the methodology of capitalism. It's so unthinking and insensitive. Its bottom line is always money, and every thing and every value is subservient to that. The ethic is not "Do Unto Others" as in the Golden Rule; it seems to be "See what you can get away with and what can be exploited in the process." For what? Greed, I guess. Money and power. It is against my personal spiritual value system. The downside of being exposed to and participating in a workplace like that is the fact that others are continually making judgments and playing games motivated by the lust for power and authoritarianism. The judgments are those they have no right to make and which are based on an ego-intense perspective. Why do we continue in this madness? It is truly an insane world we have created. Is it because we don't know how to sustain our lives in a satisfying way without money? Money is, after all, just a symbol and a tool that keeps us from killing each other for food. It is also a tool that keeps us killing each other for territory, food, resources, property, and power. Money is all things to all people.
It is only through self-discipline and sometimes repression that my anger is held in check. It's taken me years to get to the place where I am not chewing nails and spitting metal shavings. I am not sure there is any good or effective way of divesting oneself of all the jumbled emotions that arise from political or personal trauma. I could seek the mind-numbing effects of drugs, alcohol, addictions of various sorts, or fucking with people's heads, but I choose to remain sober and somewhat attuned to a spiritual value system that includes empathy and a semiglobal understanding of our true purpose on earth. There is a kind of selflessness in that which can be healing and peacegiving, but the fact remains that unless we are totally inured to the urgings of the ego, we still harbor anger, resentment, regret, and a screaming feeling of unbelievable unfairness. Perhaps I should be in a monastery---raising goats, gardening, painting, writing, listening to music, and not having to listen to and interact with all the insanities of the world at large. Maybe then I could gain the inner peace necessary to prevent bruising encounters with politics and personalities. Another alternative is to be so filthy rich that one could buy inner peace and profound privacy (total avoidance). Perhaps one could also achieve that by living in a refrigerator box under a viaduct. The secret, I suppose, is keeping a balance in the midst of insanity.
We are constantly creating the effects of our lives; in fact, we cannot avoid creating the effects of our lives. I believe that the creative power or energy that put all of this in place is a responsive one and that it responds to our thoughts and feelings. A creative energy/power cannot NOT create in every instant of time; therefore, whatever our mental energies envision (good, bad, or indifferent), this envisioning itself creates our circumstances. If we do not like our circumstances, we have only to do one thing: Change our minds and our ensuing behaviors. Every moment of life depends upon one thing and one thing only: Our perception of it. People who express anger, fear, self-doubt, violence, hatred, and so forth, have only to change their minds if they don't like their circumstances. The expression of anything begets that very same thing. Love begets love, fear begets fear, anger begets anger. Test it. Love does not beget fear, anger does not beget peace, and serenity does not beget agitation. The only way to have peace is literally to have peaceful thoughts and do peaceful actions. Doesn't this seem logical? The founder of Morita therapy (as described in many books by David Reynolds) expresses a central concept: Don't do as you feel; feel as you do.
How do we stop the emotions? How do we stop feeling angry or resentful or a jarring sense of unfairness? I think we don't and shouldn't stop emotions. Emotions come and feel like a certain state of mind. However, emotions also go, and one can stop the emotions from creating the effects of those emotions (in one's body, mind, and spirit) by letting the emotions pass through and becoming aware that one is letting go of all thoughts and feelings that do not resonate with a feeling of peace, love, beauty, or truth. I believe it is the stopping up of negative feelings, emotions, or thoughts and focusing on them that creates a permanent manifestation. If the energy keeps flowing, it will flow away and won't become part of one's physical, psychological, mental, or spiritual architecture.
That might sound like repression, but I believe that it is not just the covering up of negative emotions. It is truly the allowance of flow. The more we rehearse anger, hatred, fear, self-doubt, and violence, the better we become at it. We become what we practice. If we desire a sense of timelessness, a slowing down of this frantic lifestyle we lead, a feeling of integration, wholeness, healing, peace, joy, or simplicity, then that is what we must practice. We cannot keep practicing impatience, anger, irritability, and ignorance and expect to be peaceful, loving, and empathic. Whatever we reinforce in ourselves and others is what evolves into behaviors that are either desirable or not. It takes much courage and awareness to step out of the path of everyone else's vortex and into our own sense of wholeness, balance, and peace. Energy is very "catching." Vibrations from others that jar our sense of calm are very disruptive. If we sense that is going on, we must redouble our efforts to focus on our center and not on the frantic and chaotic energy that is around us or beside us.
It hurts when others think badly of us, but when we cogitate on those negative judgments, the "bad shit" is what we are taking into ourselves and making the ruler of our emotions and lives. We have to resist others' bad opinions of ourselves, not by lying to ourselves but by recognizing that we are a creation of God with all the purity, innocence, respect, and empowerment that is ours by nature. When others who used to love us suddenly despise us, that reflects a change in their attitudes; hence, it is out of our control, but we do not have to soak up that negative judgment and internalize or live it. We can simply realize that they are misguided about us and, furthermore, their misguided or negative judgment about us is creating nonpeace, nonlove, nonempathy, and chaos in their own lives. It is impossible to hold a negative or unforgiving thought about anything or anyone and maintain peace inside. To have peace is to forgive all. If peace is more important than anything, we have to give up bad or unforgiving thoughts about anyone or anything, and we have to recognize that others' bad/unforgiving thoughts about us hurt them, not us. We always have a choice at every moment how we want to feel, think, be, and act. Even in the most threatening and devastating of circumstances, we can choose how we want to be. That is a tremendous power, and most people either don't realize it or don't want to realize it because to realize this power is to take total responsibility and accountability for one's own life.
Many people don't want to take total responsibility for their lives. They are busy trying to make others take responsibility (You make me so mad; you drive me nuts; the cashier pissed me off; my boss hates me; God hates me; you are the cause of my unhappiness; you made me do it; if it weren't for you, I would be _____).
Many people (sometimes our loved ones) are so immersed in their unhealthy emotions that they want others to underwrite their lives and take care of them. Whenever we encounter a person who wants to be "taken care of" unreasonably, we have to be careful not to enable that person to continue in self-destructive behavior. In the end, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Namaste.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Bed of Roses/Bette Midler
Long, long ago, where the tall grass grows
And the still air is sweet with summer flowers
In the shade by a stream I would lie awake and dream
And in dreaming I would while away the hours
Long, long gone yesterday
And the castle and the princess and the god to whom I pray
Well I made and I'm going to lie in this Bed of Roses
I'm tired of trying to be free
Gonna lay down like a sigh in my Bed of Roses
Bed of Roses I believed my life would be
All those wasted years
All the useless, bitter tears
If I'd known, I'd have stopped it at the start
I knew life was long
And I knew life could go wrong
But I never knew my life would break my heart
Dreams die harder than pride
I have learned my lesson well
I will put them both aside
'Cause I made and I'm going to lie in this Bed of Roses
I'm tired and I'm dying to be free
Roses die, and all the fairy tales are lies
And I guess that's just too bad for poor old me
Gonna lay down like a sigh in my Bed of Roses
Bed of Roses I believed my life would be
And the still air is sweet with summer flowers
In the shade by a stream I would lie awake and dream
And in dreaming I would while away the hours
Long, long gone yesterday
And the castle and the princess and the god to whom I pray
Well I made and I'm going to lie in this Bed of Roses
I'm tired of trying to be free
Gonna lay down like a sigh in my Bed of Roses
Bed of Roses I believed my life would be
All those wasted years
All the useless, bitter tears
If I'd known, I'd have stopped it at the start
I knew life was long
And I knew life could go wrong
But I never knew my life would break my heart
Dreams die harder than pride
I have learned my lesson well
I will put them both aside
'Cause I made and I'm going to lie in this Bed of Roses
I'm tired and I'm dying to be free
Roses die, and all the fairy tales are lies
And I guess that's just too bad for poor old me
Gonna lay down like a sigh in my Bed of Roses
Bed of Roses I believed my life would be
Things I Learned in 2011 (or maybe before)
1. Learn to enjoy the empty feeling, literally and figuratively. There is a lot of empty.
2. Don't expect incapable people to meet any of your needs. I once said to someone I loved: "Why don't you meet any of my needs?" The reply: "Because your needs are stupid."
3. Anyone who thinks total independence is synonymous with mental health and strength is living a lie. Health and happiness come from nurturing mature interdependence.
4. Our wounds occur in relationships, and our healing resides in relationships.
5. Avoid narcissism.
6. Wisdom erases Karma (but not fast enough).
7. Let thy food and thy booze be thy medicine.
8. Stay loose. Tightness is synonymous with death. Permeability is the capacity to take things in selectively.
9. Thank the Tao every day.
10. Remember that you are a spirit inhabiting a human body, not the other way around. That is a hard one for old, arthritic people to remember.
11. Whatever we can conceive, we can achieve; however, it won't happen most of the time. Learn to live with disappointment.
12. Despite all the flowery, excessive language and ego-driven bragging one sees on Facebook or other social networking sites (e.g., amazing, awesome, fantastic, marvelous, and did I mention awesome), nobody is all that and a bag of chips.
2. Don't expect incapable people to meet any of your needs. I once said to someone I loved: "Why don't you meet any of my needs?" The reply: "Because your needs are stupid."
3. Anyone who thinks total independence is synonymous with mental health and strength is living a lie. Health and happiness come from nurturing mature interdependence.
4. Our wounds occur in relationships, and our healing resides in relationships.
5. Avoid narcissism.
6. Wisdom erases Karma (but not fast enough).
7. Let thy food and thy booze be thy medicine.
8. Stay loose. Tightness is synonymous with death. Permeability is the capacity to take things in selectively.
9. Thank the Tao every day.
10. Remember that you are a spirit inhabiting a human body, not the other way around. That is a hard one for old, arthritic people to remember.
11. Whatever we can conceive, we can achieve; however, it won't happen most of the time. Learn to live with disappointment.
12. Despite all the flowery, excessive language and ego-driven bragging one sees on Facebook or other social networking sites (e.g., amazing, awesome, fantastic, marvelous, and did I mention awesome), nobody is all that and a bag of chips.
Hackers are Fucktards
Since I've been away from my blog, my account has been hacked, and the hacker changed my password. Hackers, like Wall Street financial consultants, bankers, and godless executives of immoral corporations, should be put in hard-labor prisons. I realize that criminals have no conscience, but "Thou Shalt Not Steal" is a clear message. Karma will be a bitch. Enjoy yourself; it's later than you think.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Shooting the Messenger
The protests in Wisconsin and in other places in the world illustrate beyond a doubt that typical corporate (profit is religion), paternalistic (father knows best), militaristic (you will obey), oligarchic (few number of rulers, vast number of workers) practices and philosophies alienate and dichotomize (us-versus-them mentality) the means of production (the people who produce the product upon which the corporation relies for its profits).
The fundamental rules of repressive, paternalistic, authoritarian corporate (or governmental-corporate, which is what we've become by tolerating its stranglehold on every aspect of our lives) management are:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Power is not to be shared with underlings except when it serves management.
3. Money is Religion.
4. Profits drive all decisions.
5. The means of production exist to serve the needs of the autocratic oligarchy.
6. Hierarchy is militaristic and vital to obedience-style management.
7. Ownership trumps the means of production.
8. Means of production need careful top-down manipulation to avoid rebellion/revolution.
The fundamental rules of progressive, egalitarian, representational, democratic management are:
1. Truth-telling and knowledge are the right of everyone on the team.
2. There is a team, and all team members are equal.
3. Knowledge enhances understanding and promotes shared values and vision.
4. The management exists to serve the needs of and to facilitate the means of production.
5. The means of production (people who produce the product) trump ownership and autocratic governance.
6. Team work trumps hierarchical paternalism.
Change is scary, but change is inevitable. This is a central or core truth that conservatives (right-wingers) deny and/or do not wish to acknowledge. Autocrats and oligarchs would like everyone (the ruled) to know just enough information to psychologically prepare them to embrace the changes they want and to cooperate with their agenda so they can continue to control the means of production and so that the masses (who do not rule) never quite realize that the rulers are not operating in the best interests of the masses.
This battle has been going on for a long time, but over the years, the rulers have worn down the resistance of the ruled (who are the means of production) to the point where there is complete capitulation to the "system" that's been immorally imposed upon the masses. Until now. Perhaps what we are seeing in Wisconsin and in other places (like the Middle East) is a sign of awakening, a sign of intolerance of the intolerable, and a sign that FAIRNESS needs to be restored. With fairness comes sanity. In my humble opinion, we have reached the point of utter insanity, and that largely comes from utter unfairness.
To those who mutter that the world is not fair: Yes, you are right. But it should be. And if it were, everybody (except the corporate-government rulers who desire to perpetuate and grow their control and agenda) would be happier, healthier, more productive, and considerably more imaginative and creative. There would be no need for crime or violence or mind-altering substances to abuse.
The fundamental rules of repressive, paternalistic, authoritarian corporate (or governmental-corporate, which is what we've become by tolerating its stranglehold on every aspect of our lives) management are:
1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Power is not to be shared with underlings except when it serves management.
3. Money is Religion.
4. Profits drive all decisions.
5. The means of production exist to serve the needs of the autocratic oligarchy.
6. Hierarchy is militaristic and vital to obedience-style management.
7. Ownership trumps the means of production.
8. Means of production need careful top-down manipulation to avoid rebellion/revolution.
The fundamental rules of progressive, egalitarian, representational, democratic management are:
1. Truth-telling and knowledge are the right of everyone on the team.
2. There is a team, and all team members are equal.
3. Knowledge enhances understanding and promotes shared values and vision.
4. The management exists to serve the needs of and to facilitate the means of production.
5. The means of production (people who produce the product) trump ownership and autocratic governance.
6. Team work trumps hierarchical paternalism.
Change is scary, but change is inevitable. This is a central or core truth that conservatives (right-wingers) deny and/or do not wish to acknowledge. Autocrats and oligarchs would like everyone (the ruled) to know just enough information to psychologically prepare them to embrace the changes they want and to cooperate with their agenda so they can continue to control the means of production and so that the masses (who do not rule) never quite realize that the rulers are not operating in the best interests of the masses.
This battle has been going on for a long time, but over the years, the rulers have worn down the resistance of the ruled (who are the means of production) to the point where there is complete capitulation to the "system" that's been immorally imposed upon the masses. Until now. Perhaps what we are seeing in Wisconsin and in other places (like the Middle East) is a sign of awakening, a sign of intolerance of the intolerable, and a sign that FAIRNESS needs to be restored. With fairness comes sanity. In my humble opinion, we have reached the point of utter insanity, and that largely comes from utter unfairness.
To those who mutter that the world is not fair: Yes, you are right. But it should be. And if it were, everybody (except the corporate-government rulers who desire to perpetuate and grow their control and agenda) would be happier, healthier, more productive, and considerably more imaginative and creative. There would be no need for crime or violence or mind-altering substances to abuse.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Karma Suit Ya?
Some people get away with all kinds of crap and never suffer the consequences. That is grossly unfair and wrong, and that is the reason I still partially cling to the idea that there is such a thing as Karma. If there is not, then there should be more retribution legally and morally allowed in the Here-and-Now.
By the looks of things, I guess there are billions of people who do not believe in Karma or in the Great Hereafter where all is meted out as Justice and Mercy because there is one helluva lot of killing/retribution going on here on Planet Earth.
The irony is that most of these self-motivated retributionists profess to believe in God or Allah or Somebody Up There, and if they believe that God/Allah/SomebodyUpThere said THOU SHALT NOT KILL, then all this killing makes no sense to me. It is a walking contradiction. It looks to me like they justify it by claiming to exact retribution by killing in the name of God/Allah/SomebodyUpThere. It is insanity. Moral bankruptcy. Ethical malignancy. It's all just gigantically wrong.
I used to believe in spiritual and psychological consequences too, based mostly on fairy tales, but now I am not sure that I do. If I believe that resentment will ultimately harm me, then it probably will. But if I feel the entity known as resentment (or any other feeling) and don't buy into the idea (BS) that resentment harms me, then it probably won't. There is no proof of it one way or the other.
I think when any feeling (any feeling on the human continuum of feelings from love to hate) interferes with your ability to live your life, then that is probably harmful, but we're all guilty of that. Who lives a truly authentic, fulfilled, autonomous, and self-actualized life? Hardly anybody. Maybe nobody.
I think being a realist and dispensing with as much bullshit as possible inside your head and heart is probably the cleanest and least complicated way of living because then all these mental gyrations and ideations do not interfere with your ability to enjoy your life. I think that's the real test - how much you enjoy your life regardless of your feelings, your possessions or lack of them, your associations with others, your health or lack of it, and so forth.
I do realize in my heart of hearts that there is no such thing as justice or equality. There just isn't. Not on this earth. And I am not guaranteed anything beyond this earthly experience. It cannot be proven to exist. To expect justice, equality, or mercy is to delude oneself.
And to wait for Jesus or some other prophet to come here to equalize things...well, we're still waiting, aren't we? How big a delusion might apocalypticism be? It might be encouraging an absolute laziness. If Jesus or another prophet is going to fix everything, why should we bother? That seems to be the raisin debt that excuses all of our inactions on this earth.
In the meantime, despots, dictators, right-wing lunatics, oppressors, corporations (oppressors), criminals, rapists, sexists, ageists, religious nuts, sexual perverts, and all kinds of truly insane people get away with all kinds of truly unjust, morally reprehensible, and heinous behavior. In fact, many of these behaviors and evil people are actually rewarded.
How does all this get reconciled? Do we just tolerate and passively accept this state of being forever? No guts. No glory. That is why poverty, joblessness, exploitation, abuse, and insanity of every stripe prevail and are never rectified. The human species has one metric fuck-ton of amends to make even if there is no God and no Savior. And if there is, then I believe that Jesus did not come here to help us become rich and wasteful, and Jesus didn't come to bring us Peace of Mind. How can anyone have peace of mind when there is no much injustice and insanity to eliminate? Anyone who cannot see the colossal injustices on this earth is blind in more ways than one.
By the looks of things, I guess there are billions of people who do not believe in Karma or in the Great Hereafter where all is meted out as Justice and Mercy because there is one helluva lot of killing/retribution going on here on Planet Earth.
The irony is that most of these self-motivated retributionists profess to believe in God or Allah or Somebody Up There, and if they believe that God/Allah/SomebodyUpThere said THOU SHALT NOT KILL, then all this killing makes no sense to me. It is a walking contradiction. It looks to me like they justify it by claiming to exact retribution by killing in the name of God/Allah/SomebodyUpThere. It is insanity. Moral bankruptcy. Ethical malignancy. It's all just gigantically wrong.
I used to believe in spiritual and psychological consequences too, based mostly on fairy tales, but now I am not sure that I do. If I believe that resentment will ultimately harm me, then it probably will. But if I feel the entity known as resentment (or any other feeling) and don't buy into the idea (BS) that resentment harms me, then it probably won't. There is no proof of it one way or the other.
I think when any feeling (any feeling on the human continuum of feelings from love to hate) interferes with your ability to live your life, then that is probably harmful, but we're all guilty of that. Who lives a truly authentic, fulfilled, autonomous, and self-actualized life? Hardly anybody. Maybe nobody.
I think being a realist and dispensing with as much bullshit as possible inside your head and heart is probably the cleanest and least complicated way of living because then all these mental gyrations and ideations do not interfere with your ability to enjoy your life. I think that's the real test - how much you enjoy your life regardless of your feelings, your possessions or lack of them, your associations with others, your health or lack of it, and so forth.
I do realize in my heart of hearts that there is no such thing as justice or equality. There just isn't. Not on this earth. And I am not guaranteed anything beyond this earthly experience. It cannot be proven to exist. To expect justice, equality, or mercy is to delude oneself.
And to wait for Jesus or some other prophet to come here to equalize things...well, we're still waiting, aren't we? How big a delusion might apocalypticism be? It might be encouraging an absolute laziness. If Jesus or another prophet is going to fix everything, why should we bother? That seems to be the raisin debt that excuses all of our inactions on this earth.
In the meantime, despots, dictators, right-wing lunatics, oppressors, corporations (oppressors), criminals, rapists, sexists, ageists, religious nuts, sexual perverts, and all kinds of truly insane people get away with all kinds of truly unjust, morally reprehensible, and heinous behavior. In fact, many of these behaviors and evil people are actually rewarded.
How does all this get reconciled? Do we just tolerate and passively accept this state of being forever? No guts. No glory. That is why poverty, joblessness, exploitation, abuse, and insanity of every stripe prevail and are never rectified. The human species has one metric fuck-ton of amends to make even if there is no God and no Savior. And if there is, then I believe that Jesus did not come here to help us become rich and wasteful, and Jesus didn't come to bring us Peace of Mind. How can anyone have peace of mind when there is no much injustice and insanity to eliminate? Anyone who cannot see the colossal injustices on this earth is blind in more ways than one.
Hermitage
Is it just me, or are people more selfish, rude, inconsiderate, narcissistic, and ungrateful now than they used to be? These are some of the reasons I generally dislike people (I suppose "hate" is too strong a word). Not only do these adjectives apply but also those of violent, hate-filled, sarcastic, and completely lacking in compassion.
Hermitage might be an option to consider because it's only getting worse out here, and I see no sign of improvement. This is a sick global society. You don't even need to watch cable television "news" to discover that truth, but if you need a good dose of cynicism, just turn on the TV or radio.
And yet, it doesn't do any good spiritually to keep score. That is a lesson I am still learning. It's a damn hard one to learn (not to judge, not to keep score). It might actually be impossible never to succumb to that strong (and almost automatic response) temptation, but it does nothing (discernible to me) for one's spiritual journey to judge or keep score. I know that from an intellectual perspective, but operationally that's a hard one for me to practice with any consistency. It's just too easy to judge, resent, and keep score.
The scary (or liberating, depending on one's point of view) proposition is that perhaps all of these concepts (spirituality, judgment, resentment, love, compassion, etc.) are simply illusions we create to comfort ourselves. Maybe nothing is "real" after all except what we think is real. Sigh.
Hermitage might be an option to consider because it's only getting worse out here, and I see no sign of improvement. This is a sick global society. You don't even need to watch cable television "news" to discover that truth, but if you need a good dose of cynicism, just turn on the TV or radio.
And yet, it doesn't do any good spiritually to keep score. That is a lesson I am still learning. It's a damn hard one to learn (not to judge, not to keep score). It might actually be impossible never to succumb to that strong (and almost automatic response) temptation, but it does nothing (discernible to me) for one's spiritual journey to judge or keep score. I know that from an intellectual perspective, but operationally that's a hard one for me to practice with any consistency. It's just too easy to judge, resent, and keep score.
The scary (or liberating, depending on one's point of view) proposition is that perhaps all of these concepts (spirituality, judgment, resentment, love, compassion, etc.) are simply illusions we create to comfort ourselves. Maybe nothing is "real" after all except what we think is real. Sigh.
Die Quickly
The Republicans really do want the Baby Boomer generation to die and to die quickly. They have absolutely no compassion for anyone who isn't rich. I've never seen anything like it. These self-serving politicians are so corrupt and evil that it's frightening. It's time for Jesus to make another appearance. The first thing Jesus can do is to go to Capitol Hill and tell these mofos to stand down and STFU.
There is not a worse evil on this earth than the combination of religion and politics, regardless of what country is involved (Iran or the USA; it matters not). Both of these power-hungry entities are married now in an unholy alliance. South Dakota is trying to pass a law that makes it legal to murder abortion providers. They call it justifiable homicide. The hypocrisy is astounding, and the "logic" is stunning. It's OK to murder somebody because that person is interrupting a pregnancy.
I don't know why they pick on doctors. They should just kill the mother. That's the person who has ultimately made the decision to have an abortion.
Of course, we all know this has nothing to do with moral imperatives. It has everything to do with making women chattel again. As Florynce Rae Kennedy said, "If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."
There is not a worse evil on this earth than the combination of religion and politics, regardless of what country is involved (Iran or the USA; it matters not). Both of these power-hungry entities are married now in an unholy alliance. South Dakota is trying to pass a law that makes it legal to murder abortion providers. They call it justifiable homicide. The hypocrisy is astounding, and the "logic" is stunning. It's OK to murder somebody because that person is interrupting a pregnancy.
I don't know why they pick on doctors. They should just kill the mother. That's the person who has ultimately made the decision to have an abortion.
Of course, we all know this has nothing to do with moral imperatives. It has everything to do with making women chattel again. As Florynce Rae Kennedy said, "If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Constant Gardener
The book "The Constant Gardener" (2001, John le Carre) is a constant reminder to ask: "How many die or suffer so we may live?" The math comes down to the smallest detail. We watch clean water go down our drains while millions of people in the world drink dirty water or have to walk 35 miles each day for a drink. This world has been arranged in a very lopsided manner. Where is the balance? Almost everything we enjoy comes at the terrible expense of someone else.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Nastygrams
I received a nastygram from a woman I befriended and helped for many years. It blamed me for dysfunctionality, negativity, unhealthiness, and everything that was wrong with this so-called relationship. It is a wonder to me that people can be so convinced there is nothing wrong with them but that I am to blame for such a lot of strife that they are forced, for their own sake, to end the relationship with me. As I have said many times, evil is the unwillingness to examine one's own sin(s).
In accordance with my new policy for 2011, I don't care. This is one "relationship" I am not going to mourn. She was not a friend to me from the moment our "friendship" began. I am not to blame for her life, and she is hardly perfect. She is inflexible, argumentative, not exactly fun to be around, and not a companion in any sense of the word. She is not as mentally healthy as she thinks she is, and she herself is full of negativity, so she would do well to point the finger at herself and not at me. But that won't happen. People justify themselves even when wrong.
I felt sorry for her, and I realize that is no basis for a friendship or relationship of any kind. I tried more than I should have done to help her emotionally, financially, and every which way. On the other hand, she found it impossible to do even a slight favor for me without having a meltdown. It's her loss, not mine. And I don't care any longer. Since she is blameless and everything is my fault, she will never take the opportunity to examine her own behavior and attitudes. It's just easier, as it has been for many people in my life, to blame me than to take honest responsibility for oneself. Goodbye and good luck. I hope she gets what she is looking for, but I won't be part of the scenario. I learn, always too late, to stop spending energy, money, and time servicing others' needs. No good deed goes unpunished, but I don't even care about that. Dismissed. Next?
In accordance with my new policy for 2011, I don't care. This is one "relationship" I am not going to mourn. She was not a friend to me from the moment our "friendship" began. I am not to blame for her life, and she is hardly perfect. She is inflexible, argumentative, not exactly fun to be around, and not a companion in any sense of the word. She is not as mentally healthy as she thinks she is, and she herself is full of negativity, so she would do well to point the finger at herself and not at me. But that won't happen. People justify themselves even when wrong.
I felt sorry for her, and I realize that is no basis for a friendship or relationship of any kind. I tried more than I should have done to help her emotionally, financially, and every which way. On the other hand, she found it impossible to do even a slight favor for me without having a meltdown. It's her loss, not mine. And I don't care any longer. Since she is blameless and everything is my fault, she will never take the opportunity to examine her own behavior and attitudes. It's just easier, as it has been for many people in my life, to blame me than to take honest responsibility for oneself. Goodbye and good luck. I hope she gets what she is looking for, but I won't be part of the scenario. I learn, always too late, to stop spending energy, money, and time servicing others' needs. No good deed goes unpunished, but I don't even care about that. Dismissed. Next?
In Retrospect
On May 27, 2006, I drove to Asheville, North Carolina, from Baltimore, Maryland. The reason for the trip was to see old friends and their new downtown condominium. I drove over the Shenandoah River to get there. One road sign along the way said "Dismal Hollow." I had some fun visualizing what a happy place that was/is. I should live there for a while just to find out. It was OK to be alone on the trip, but it would have been better (perhaps) with a loving companion. That's what most people aim for. I don't know how successful most people are at finding their loving companion, but I do know what Robert Duvall meant when he delivered that line in "Broken Trail." The movie is worth the time it takes to watch it and the time it takes to absorb the pithy dialogue. It stays with you.
Focus
Writing is easier when there is a focus of attention on a relatively narrow topic. Shotgut or scattered attention leads to chaos, disorganization, and, ultimately, despair. There must be a beginning and a steady, focused progression toward an end that is satisfying or that fulfills a need. What captures your attention? What would you like to accomplish? What do you want to be? Why are you doing what you are doing? Is it a passion? A pasttime? A time suck? Does what you are doing interest you? Do you lose a sense of time when you are engaged in it? Do you fantasize about it in some way? What do you dream about or think would make you happy? Are you happy now? When you dream, do you dream of doing something else and being somewhere else?
Read or re-read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.
Love
Love is not only an idea and a feeling. It is a physical fact. Children (and adults) who do not experience the physical fact of love wither and sometimes die. Failure to thrive comes not only from lack of emotional and psychological nurturance but also from lack of physical love, whether that is lack of food, drink, touching, or companionship. Missing someone is not like missing cigarettes. Missing cigarettes gets easier each day you don't smoke. Missing someone you love is like missing water. Each day you notice the lack more and more.
A New Year 2011
There are many things that could (or may) be accomplished in this new year 2011. For one thing, it's an odd-number year. I seem to like those best. There is a lot of accomplishment that can be achieved in an odd-number year. However, in this odd-number year, I will be 68 years old. That's an even-number age, and I'm not fond of even numbers. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I was born in an odd year (1943), maybe it's because I am ambidextrous, maybe it's because I, unlike many others, recognize mental illness when I see it, and maybe it 's because the reasoning makes as much sense as the Republicans telling us that we can have no deficit while giving a metric fuck-ton of money to the already-wealthy and never raising taxes, at the same time supporting two wars (more wars to come) and beefing up the defense budget.
For all of those who do not think me worthy of being in their company or having me on their long list of "friends," I want to start this new year 2011 by saying "I don't care." Any memory of you or kindness toward you has been kept alive by virtue of my brain power, my energy, my passion, my will and desire, and my love. I can pull the plug on that considerable personal effort. I won't expend any more of my energy, thoughts, good wishes, love, or higher consciousness on you who disdain me. Take your dislike of me and let it give you cancer instead of giving me grief. I no longer care. The new year 2011 will be one of not caring.
Before my beloved readers become concerned about that sudden attitudinal change in me, allow me to explain that it's not that I will be apathetic, uncompassionate, or unfeeling this year. It's that I will no longer internalize the negative vibrations, vitriol, indifference, and uncaring that have permeated the vicious, insane, unkind political and personal atmosphere, as I've perceived it in the past several years, created by others who are self-absorbed, stupid, and not worthy of my loving and/or mindful support.
I no longer care. I will use that energy and mindfulness to support something of value to me from now on. 2011 will be a good year.
For all of those who do not think me worthy of being in their company or having me on their long list of "friends," I want to start this new year 2011 by saying "I don't care." Any memory of you or kindness toward you has been kept alive by virtue of my brain power, my energy, my passion, my will and desire, and my love. I can pull the plug on that considerable personal effort. I won't expend any more of my energy, thoughts, good wishes, love, or higher consciousness on you who disdain me. Take your dislike of me and let it give you cancer instead of giving me grief. I no longer care. The new year 2011 will be one of not caring.
Before my beloved readers become concerned about that sudden attitudinal change in me, allow me to explain that it's not that I will be apathetic, uncompassionate, or unfeeling this year. It's that I will no longer internalize the negative vibrations, vitriol, indifference, and uncaring that have permeated the vicious, insane, unkind political and personal atmosphere, as I've perceived it in the past several years, created by others who are self-absorbed, stupid, and not worthy of my loving and/or mindful support.
I no longer care. I will use that energy and mindfulness to support something of value to me from now on. 2011 will be a good year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)