Psychologists generally agree there are 412 (but who's counting?) emotions. Of these hundreds of emotions, there are 8 major "negative" emotions and 8 major "positive" emotions. All of this is debatable, of course, but the 8 major negative emotions are fear, anger, shame, blame, regret, resentment, apathy, and grief. The 8 major positive emotions are joy/love, interest, enthusiasm, empathy, curiosity, boredom, laughter, and action. Most people don't think of boredom, laughter, and action as emotions, but when one considers that e-motion is energy in motion, then boredom, laughter, and action are definitely on the list. It is also theorized that a thought precedes an emotion.
Statistics show that the average human being has between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts a day and that 80% of these are "negative" thoughts. By the time we are 40 years old, we have created and experienced about 730,000,000 thoughts. If 80% of those are negative, that means our minds are "programmed" with and have experienced, in a real sense, about three-quarters of a billion negative thoughts by age 40 (people over 40 can do the math). If we say 5 affirmations (positive thoughts such as "I am beautiful, unique, and loved") a day, which most of us probably don't do, the bottom line is still at least 49,995 negative thoughts a day. Furthermore, most of these negative thoughts have to do with the past or the future. They are not usually about the present moment in which we live, which is the only moment we are guaranteed to have.
Recent studies have shown that suppressing negative emotions (denying or blunting what one feels internally) is not helpful for learning, adapting, interpersonal interactions, or a sense of happiness. Emotional suppression has more to do with feeling an emotion than with expressing an emotion. Many emotions, especially negative ones, while felt internally, are better left unexpressed, but nonexpression is not synonymous with suppression. On the other hand, similar research shows that faking positive emotions does have a salubrious effect on learning, adaptation, interpersonal interactions, and one's own subjective estimation of happiness. "Fake it 'til you make it" is not just an off-the-wall humorous comment on how to"be" in this life. There is a well-known experiment that can lend proof to the assertion. It is about smiling. It has repeatedly been shown that the act of smiling will improve a person's mood even if the person does not feel like smiling. At the very least, smiling frequently will cause other people to wonder what the smiler is up to or knows. The secretiveness of the "knowing smile" can elevate some people's moods all by itself. Faking positive emotion works.
Faking it may, indeed, work with a whole range of positive emotions, but it doesn't work with knowledge deficits. Affirmations and positive thinking don't eliminate knowledge deficits. Mastery does. Mastery is not achieved by magic or magical thinking (e.g., if we ignore our problems, they will go away). Realizing that our errors or mistakes hurt ourselves and others, self-mastery is the real challenge in our lives. Achieving important goals takes time and hard work.
Randy Gage, an author who writes motivational materials, says that "mastery comes from confidence, confidence comes from experience, experience comes from practice, practice comes from commitment, and commitment comes from vision." Success is reading this list backward and working effectively and tirelessly from the vision to the mastery.
There are four levels to the process of self-mastery. The first level is recognizing incompetencies or deficits in oneself. When a person does not recognize or acknowledge a knowledge deficit, that person does not care about improving his/her knowledge or skills. The second level is becoming aware that other people have desirable competencies or knowledge and that these are achievable. That is the first step toward learning. The third level is learning the basics and putting those into practice. Most people fall into this category because they limit their own knowledge and practice their skills selectively. This does not, however, constitute mastery. The fourth level is to assimilate more and more knowledge and skills and to practice using them effectively. Continual expansion of the fourth level leads to self-confidence, and that leads to self-mastery.
Statistics show that the average human being has between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts a day and that 80% of these are "negative" thoughts. By the time we are 40 years old, we have created and experienced about 730,000,000 thoughts. If 80% of those are negative, that means our minds are "programmed" with and have experienced, in a real sense, about three-quarters of a billion negative thoughts by age 40 (people over 40 can do the math). If we say 5 affirmations (positive thoughts such as "I am beautiful, unique, and loved") a day, which most of us probably don't do, the bottom line is still at least 49,995 negative thoughts a day. Furthermore, most of these negative thoughts have to do with the past or the future. They are not usually about the present moment in which we live, which is the only moment we are guaranteed to have.
Recent studies have shown that suppressing negative emotions (denying or blunting what one feels internally) is not helpful for learning, adapting, interpersonal interactions, or a sense of happiness. Emotional suppression has more to do with feeling an emotion than with expressing an emotion. Many emotions, especially negative ones, while felt internally, are better left unexpressed, but nonexpression is not synonymous with suppression. On the other hand, similar research shows that faking positive emotions does have a salubrious effect on learning, adaptation, interpersonal interactions, and one's own subjective estimation of happiness. "Fake it 'til you make it" is not just an off-the-wall humorous comment on how to"be" in this life. There is a well-known experiment that can lend proof to the assertion. It is about smiling. It has repeatedly been shown that the act of smiling will improve a person's mood even if the person does not feel like smiling. At the very least, smiling frequently will cause other people to wonder what the smiler is up to or knows. The secretiveness of the "knowing smile" can elevate some people's moods all by itself. Faking positive emotion works.
Faking it may, indeed, work with a whole range of positive emotions, but it doesn't work with knowledge deficits. Affirmations and positive thinking don't eliminate knowledge deficits. Mastery does. Mastery is not achieved by magic or magical thinking (e.g., if we ignore our problems, they will go away). Realizing that our errors or mistakes hurt ourselves and others, self-mastery is the real challenge in our lives. Achieving important goals takes time and hard work.
Randy Gage, an author who writes motivational materials, says that "mastery comes from confidence, confidence comes from experience, experience comes from practice, practice comes from commitment, and commitment comes from vision." Success is reading this list backward and working effectively and tirelessly from the vision to the mastery.
There are four levels to the process of self-mastery. The first level is recognizing incompetencies or deficits in oneself. When a person does not recognize or acknowledge a knowledge deficit, that person does not care about improving his/her knowledge or skills. The second level is becoming aware that other people have desirable competencies or knowledge and that these are achievable. That is the first step toward learning. The third level is learning the basics and putting those into practice. Most people fall into this category because they limit their own knowledge and practice their skills selectively. This does not, however, constitute mastery. The fourth level is to assimilate more and more knowledge and skills and to practice using them effectively. Continual expansion of the fourth level leads to self-confidence, and that leads to self-mastery.
The test of self-mastery is to "reality check" knowledge and skills by exhibiting them to other practitioners with more experience in order to receive feedback on demonstrated competencies. Assimilating feedback and using it constructively will promote and enhance self-mastery.
The gold standard to measure the achievement of self-mastery is to ask the question, "Do I feel knowledgeable, skilled, and confident enough to teach this (whatever it is) effectively to someone else?"
There is an old Chinese proverb that says, "A moving hinge does not rust, and running water does not stagnate." When it comes to knowledge and skills and self-mastery, we have to keep moving or we will perish. More is better.
The gold standard to measure the achievement of self-mastery is to ask the question, "Do I feel knowledgeable, skilled, and confident enough to teach this (whatever it is) effectively to someone else?"
There is an old Chinese proverb that says, "A moving hinge does not rust, and running water does not stagnate." When it comes to knowledge and skills and self-mastery, we have to keep moving or we will perish. More is better.
At 52, it seems everything horrible or embarrassing that has ever happened in my life has decided to emulate Nessie and surface. I have never felt this beaten in my life. Things that I thought were long forgotten or handled are not. I suppose if you stuff stuff enough, you eventually reach your surfeit and then comes the upchucking of shame and embarrassment and pain. Does this have any correlation to adopting a new diet for the past six months? I stopped eating meat and dairy and white flour products. My skin looks better, but I am a mess emotionally.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a conscience and are conscious, living is hell. How can anyone enjoy anything when there is so much suffering "out there" (as well as "in here".)
The old adage "Ignorance is Bliss" is spot on. I wish I could enjoy the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, except I have too many thousands of those negative thoughts swimming in my mind's loch.
The solution? Medicate or be eternally damned in suffering. I will find another way. Perhaps if I do random acts of kindness, it might help to distract me from some of the torturous thoughts I inflict upon myself.
In the meantime, I'll be the one over there twitching and shuddering and in mourning for the human race, because I am sure as shit this is NOT what it is supposed to be about: Clocks, competition, and money. I used to think indigenous forest people had it right, but there you have women still doing most of the work, even if their environment remains pure and landfill-free.
There is always going to be a yang to the yin. Learning to accept that and work with it is the key, I reckon, but I don't think platitudes are very helpful in the long run.
Death might be the only true respite, but no one has come back to tell us what it's like on the other side. What a sick joke it would be if it is more of the same. Where is the equalizer?