Betrayal, Narcissism, Solipsism, and the Unknowable

A common language is vital to understanding another's point of view or perspective. Here are some working definitions:

Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive social contract, trust, or confidence. Betrayal produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship between individuals.

Narcissism is behavior that involves infatuation and obsession with one's self, sometimes to the exclusion of others, and can consist of egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance, and ambition.

Solipsism is the notion that it is impossible ever to know another person, so there is no need to bother with understanding or empathizing. This often results in an egotistical refusal to acknowledge the needs or sometimes even the existence of others. Solipsism is often referred to as the belief that nothing real exists outside of one's own mind, thoughts, and ambitions.

The unknowable is that which cannot be known, despite one's best efforts; a thing beyond comprehension.

Recently, I experienced something that was, to me, unknowable and unpredictable. It was and is also seemingly beyond my comprehension. That thing was the unilateral dissolution of a 40-year friendship by a person (Alta) I had always considered truthful, straightforward, free of prejudice, loyal, spiritual, and loving. Alta still may be all of those things, but that's not my current way of perceiving Alta's qualities and character. After 40 years of friendship that manifested itself in being mutually supportive, I was shocked (stunned) to learn that Alta considers my characteristics to now include self-hatred, bitterness, unforgiveness, and psychoemotional illness. I had no idea Alta felt this way or that Alta could or would unilaterally end (I had no say in the matter) such a long friendship. It never came up in 40 years of intense, long, and soul-searching conversations. I feel betrayed and experience all of the moral and psychological conflict it is possible to feel in these unexpected circumstances.

I am not sure if narcissism and/or solipsism influenced Alta's decision, so I can't make that claim, but recent conversations with Alta lead me to believe that there is a preoccupation with self and self-expression such that no one else's point of view can penetrate Alta's desire to be spiritually "right" about how life should be experienced. No challenge to Alta's prevailing philosophies are allowed. This leads me to believe there is a degree of solipsism involved in the rather rigid mindset that seems to dominate Alta's behavior and intolerance of divergent opinions. Intellectually and emotionally, I don't think that is a sign of good mental health. I think it's a kind of mental arthritis that leads to diminution in function, flexibility, tolerance, and inclusivity. That is sad but reversible if only the will to reverse it were present. I fear the will to change is missing in this regretable circumstance.

The will to reverse or modify any chosen course is primary to any salubrious change. That is also seemingly what is lacking in our progressive politicians who are currently struggling with how to reconcile pending legislation on health-insurance reform. Even those with the power to change are impotent unless the will to change the current course is exerted.